


That Stupid Hat

by Chrystie, exuberant_imperfection



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kagakise with side Aokuro, M/M, and After College
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6297859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/exuberant_imperfection/pseuds/exuberant_imperfection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt: “we have a lot of mutual friends so we see each other more than two broken up people usually do and i know we’re not really close anymore but you’re wearing that stupid (adorable) hat you always wore when you were upset so tell me what’s wrong because it’s literally killing me to see you look so sad”</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Kagami hadn’t expected to see Kise until a decent amount of time had passed for Kise to be comfortable with pretending he didn’t exist, so to find him at his door only a few hours after they had fought was more than a little shocking. “Um…. Hi?”</p>
  <p><i>This was a mistake</i> was the first thing that ran through Kise’s mind the moment Kagami opened the door, as his eyes immediately began burning with tears again upon seeing him. He bit his lip in an attempt to hold them in, but they began to overflow anyway, and he turned right back around, starting to run away again. <i>I can’t do this.</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	That Stupid Hat

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt is from [THIS](http://onetruepairingideas.tumblr.com/post/137450675698) Tumblr post. Enjoy!

“Sorry I’m late, everybody!!!” Kise exclaimed as he walked into Aomine and Kuroko’s apartment for movie night, a wide grin plastered on his face. “I brought beer, though!”

“Great, makes up for the stupid hat you’re wearing,” Aomine said, approaching Kise, pulling the hat down over his eyes, and grabbing the six-pack to put it in the fridge.

Kise readjusted the hat with a pout. “So mean, Aominecchi!!!” he called after him, looking around the room to see that he was, in fact, the last one to arrive. Taking note of where Kagami was sitting, he tried to be casual as he chose a seat as far away from him as possible.

Kagami would be lying if he’d said that a part of him hadn’t been hoping Kise wouldn’t show up tonight. It had been a few months since their break-up and this was definitely not the first time he’d seen Kise since it had happened, but things were still extremely awkward. (Not that he hated Kise—if anything it was still the exact opposite.)

He couldn’t exactly say they’d had a bad break-up, but he really couldn’t say they’d had a good one either, and it was mainly because Kagami had no idea _why_ they’d broken up. Kise had sort of just sprung it on him without giving him a reason, and then Kagami had exploded at him, and things had just kind of gone downhill since then, and now he had no idea how to act around Kise anymore.

His inner monologuing of how to act for the rest of the night died the instant Aomine mentioned a hat. Kagami whipped his eyes towards Kise to see that he was, in fact, wearing a very familiar cat-shaped hat. Kagami knew that hat and he knew it wasn’t just any ordinary hat that Kise kept in his closet as an accessory—that hat was special to Kise, even if Kise had never admitted that to him.

Kagami remembered very clearly always seeing that hat on days Kise felt off, the days he would spend most of his time staring at the floor, with a frown planted on his face and his eyes dulled to an almost-brown instead of their vibrant yellow. Most vividly, he remembered Kise wearing that hat on the day he broke up with him. Kagami knew that hat as Kise’s “emotional support” hat… and he may have still been harboring a slight grudge against the stupid thing because Kise seemed to prefer it over him when he was sad.

Kagami’s first instinctive reaction was to get up and ask Kise what was wrong… until the unfortunate reminder that they weren’t dating anymore hit him again when he saw the distance Kise had sat away from him. His second thought was to ask him what he was doing before that had made him late, but it hadn’t exactly been easy to talk to him since their fight so that wasn’t a great option either. Kagami settled for pretending he didn’t notice it and gave a quiet grunt asking to be passed the popcorn instead.

Midorima passed the popcorn to Murasakibara to pass to Kagami—which turned out to be a massive mistake, as Murasakibara immediately hoarded the entire bowl for himself. “No, it’s mine,” he said flatly to Kagami, and began shoveling it into his mouth by the handful.

“It’s for everyone to share you greedy asshole!” Kagami was about to climb over Kuroko to wrestle the bowl out of Murasakibara’s hand only to feel a sharp jab in his side.

“Kagami-kun, please don’t attempt to take food from Murasakibara-kun. You will die,” Kuroko advised him sagely.

“Then maybe he should learn to share!” Kagami reached over Kuroko to try and grab a handful of popcorn only to feel a death grip on his wrist before his hand could move out of the bowl.

“No,” Murasakibara growled, a fierce aura emanating from him as he continued squeezing Kagami’s wrist harder, waiting for him to drop the popcorn. “ _Mine_.”

At that moment, Aomine returned to the room, spotted Kuroko trapped between an angry Kagami and defensive Murasakibara, and he narrowed his eyes. “Oi, get off—”

“Aomine-kun, please make another bowl of popcorn for Kagami-kun,” Kuroko asked calmly, despite the very immediate danger of being crushed.

Aomine scoffed. “Wh— _hell_ no, why would I do that? Let him make his own.”

Kuroko put a hand on Kagami’s arm to push it down just enough that he could give Aomine sad eyes and a slight pout over it. “Please, Daiki?”

That was all it took. Aomine stood there for a moment, opening and closing his mouth, but was ultimately too flustered to come up with a retort, and turned around, grumbling as he headed back into the kitchen.

Kagami frowned deeply, at this point he wondered if he really even wanted the dumb popcorn anymore, dropping his handful back into the bowl. “You gonna let go now?”

Murasakibara grunted, released his wrist, and returned to shoveling popcorn in his mouth, the dangerous aura fading.

Aomine came back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn, practically shoving it into Kagami’s hands and squishing himself between Kuroko and Murasakibara.

Kagami more glared at the popcorn in disdain rather than ate it. He picked up a kernel and tossed it at Aomine before shoving some in his mouth.

“Oi!” Aomine exclaimed. “You wanna fucking _go_ , asshole?” He found the kernel and pelted it back at Kagami… but it bounced off of Kagami’s shoulder and hit Kuroko in the face. And then Aomine met Kuroko’s gaze and saw the wrath of his impending doom. “Wait, shit, Tetsu, hold on, I’m s—”

Kuroko didn't say a word, just jabbed a fist into Aomine’s side with no mercy, causing him to yelp and double over in pain.

Then Kagami burst out laughing, and that was the final straw. Aomine practically jumped over Kuroko to tackle Kagami to the ground, and chaos erupted.

Kagami wrestled Aomine off the couch, to the floor, somehow managing to not drag Kuroko down with them. He punched Aomine squarely in the jaw before Aomine flipped them and got him back with a hit to his eye. They probably would have continued like that until they were black and blue had Kuroko not dragged Aomine off of Kagami, giving them both a stern gaze.

Aomine yelped in surprise. “Tetsu, let go already, come on—OW!”

Kuroko began to drag Aomine down the hall, speaking over his protests. “Please excuse us for a moment, everyone; Aomine-kun and I need to have a talk.” And then they disappeared into their bedroom.

Kagami sat up with a groan, feeling his eye begin to swell up from Aomine’s punch. “I’ll be in the kitchen,” he muttered, getting to his feet. He didn’t think Kuroko would mind if he took some ice from him, and if Aomine minded, well, he didn’t really give a shit about what Aomine thought.

Silence fell after Kagami left the room, and not even the movie still playing on the TV made it any less awkward. Luckily, it was only a minute or so before Akashi spoke up. “Ryouta, go talk to him.”

Kise turned to look at him with wide eyes. “What? Why me? Why don’t one of _you_ go?” he objected, gesturing at the people in the room who did _not_ currently have the status of ex-boyfriend with Kagami.

Akashi just shrugged, ignoring the sound of suffering in Kise’s voice. “Because he still seems to rather dislike the rest of us. It would be counterproductive for us to make an attempt to have any sort of meaningful conversation with him.” Midorima nodded in agreement, while Murasakibara continued ambivalently shoving popcorn in his mouth.

Kise felt a pang of guilt as the unspoken _he would listen to you_ and _he still cares about you_ echoed through his head. “...Fine,” he said reluctantly as he got up and trudged towards the kitchen, adjusting his hat and shoving his hands in his pockets as he entered the room. Not quite sure what to say, he just stood there waiting for Kagami to notice him.

Kagami hadn’t noticed Kise enter the kitchen, too busy wrapping a few cubes of ice in a towel. When he finally did notice Kise, he almost dropped the towel from him seemingly having come out of nowhere. “You picking up habits from Kuroko or something?” he muttered, not quite meeting Kise’s eyes, placing the ice over his injured eye as an excuse.

The smile and laugh came almost naturally, such a practiced reaction that it could be mistaken as genuine mirth if not examined too closely. “More like, Aominecchi hit you so hard, your brain slowed down so you couldn’t see me,” he retorted with a light teasing tone, leaning against the counter as his gaze switched between Kagami and the wall behind him.

Kagami wasn’t sure whether or not Kise just didn’t care about their break-up anymore and was over him to be talking to him so casually or if it was an act. Kise was always great at putting up an act. Kagami decided he could just go along with it. Just because he felt awkward, didn’t mean he had to make Kise feel awkward too. “Like he could,” Kagami scoffed, “I hit him way harder than he hit me.”

Kise arched an eyebrow at him. “And Kurokocchi’s not going to be very happy about that,” he said in a singsong voice. “You really gotta stop getting in fistfights with your best friend’s boyfriend. It’s gonna cause problems.”

Kagami wanted to say that he had really tried. He had tried to not hear the sadness underneath Kise's seemingly happy voice and he had tried not to meet Kise's eyes so he wouldn't see how upset Kise really was. It was so much easier to believe Kise's act when he was avoiding Kise's eyes. “Kise, you wanna tell me what's wrong?” he asked quietly.

The gentle concern in Kagami’s eyes and voice made Kise tense, something in his chest suddenly feeling constricted, and he forced another laugh in an attempt to cover it up. “What do you mean, Kagamicchi? I'm fine!” he said, fighting to keep his tone cheery, and keeping his eyes fixed somewhere just next to Kagami’s ear to avoid his gaze. Then, in an attempt to divert the subject from himself, he added, “ _You're_ the one who just got in a fight for no good reason! What's wrong with _you?_ ”

Kagami pushed down his instinctive reaction to get angry and yell. Getting angry never really got him anywhere when it came to Kise. He instead tried a different approach. Ignoring Kise's attempt to change the subject to him, he directed his gaze to Kise's hat, putting the towel of ice down into the counter. “Did you know I hate that stupid hat?”

Kise tugged self-consciously at the hat, which was pink and purple with a cute kitty face on it. “Why??? What's wrong with Nyan-chan??? I love her!” he protested with a pout, mostly being dramatic, but also feeling a little defensive over his favorite hat.

Kagami felt his eyebrow twitch slightly at the stupid name he had given the hat. _Why the hell did the hat have to be so important to Kise?_ “Y’know when we were... together...” Kagami was hesitant to bring up their relationship; it wasn’t something he liked to think about too often after Kise had decided to end it. “When we were, I noticed you always wore that dumb hat whenever you felt like crap and didn’t wanna tell me about it, which is pretty much what you’re doing now.”

_That_ sure got right under Kise’s guard—he hadn’t expected Kagami to notice something like that. He lost control of his expression for a moment, eyes widened and lips slightly parted in speechless surprise, but he covered it as best he could with another petulant pout. “I do _not_. I wear Nyan-chan because she’s cute, that’s all!”

Kagami felt his hold on his anger dwindling. Did Kise really think he was that dumb? “You do too! Is it really that bad to just tell me what’s getting to you?!”

As Kagami showed no signs of backing down, Kise dropped what remained of his cheery facade and his heart began beating faster. _No._ He didn’t want to do this right now, he didn’t want to get emotional when he’d been doing _so good_ keeping it all in today. Internally, he felt like curling up into a ball until Kagami went away, but externally, he just took half a step back, his foot pointed towards the door. “I—you—” he stuttered, trying to gather his panic-scattered thoughts. After a moment, he clenched his fists and burst out, “What makes you think you have the right to even ask? Because you don’t! You don’t, not anymore!”

Kagami wanted to reach out to stop Kise from leaving but stopped himself. Kise didn’t look like he wanted Kagami anywhere near him, let alone grabbing him. That didn’t mean he still wasn’t angry and that definitely didn’t mean Kagami was going to stop showing it. “You haven’t even told me _why_ I don’t have the right anymore! I think I at least deserve to know that!”

Kise shook his head, biting the inside of his cheek in a last-ditch attempt to hold himself together. He knew Kagami was right, that he should have just come out and been honest about everything from the start. But Kise also made it a point to live his life on his own terms, to do things the way he wanted to do them, and that included his selfish desire to _not_ have to see Kagami’s face when he found out the truth. “You don’t need—just—just forget about it, okay?” he snapped in return. _Shit._ Tears were beginning to burn behind his eyes, and his voice broke as he added, “Forget about me.” And then he turned and practically ran out of the kitchen, ignoring the others’ concerned questions as he passed through the living room on his way out of the apartment.

Kagami stood stock still in the middle of the kitchen, not even able to find the will to chase after Kise. He couldn’t believe he still froze up like an idiot at any sign of Kise crying. Kise’s words echoed through Kagami’s head and his eyebrows knit. What the hell did he mean _forget about him_? Was Kise an idiot? Anger surged through Kagami once more, breaking him out of his frozen state and he wanted to throw something at the fucking door Kise had run out of. Like he could ever fucking forget about Kise. Kagami decided Kise was definitely an idiot.

* * *

Once Kise got home, he flopped down on his bed and stared up at his ceiling for a moment, marveling that he'd made it all the way back without completely breaking down. And then he proceeded to alternate between trying not to cry and crying for half an hour in the dark. He was just about to accept the fact that this was just going to be another one of those nights he cried himself to sleep when the doorbell rang.

His brow knit in confusion at first, and then his eyes widened in panic when it occurred to him that it could be Kagami. He got up off his bed and went to stare at his front door, heart pounding, deliberating on what to do. _I could just pretend I'm not home. All the lights are off. If I don't do anything, he'll leave. Right?_

“Ryouta, open the door,” Akashi commanded. “I know you're in there.”

Kise’s shoulders slumped—partly in relief that it wasn't Kagami, but also partly in dread that Akashi was at his door. That usually didn't bode well. “Be right there,” Kise called through the door, resigned, and trudged into the bathroom to try to make his face look a little less like he'd just been crying, before returning to the door and opening it just a crack to peer out. “...Hello, Akashicchi. Sorry for the wait! What can I do for you?” he said in a tone that was almost over-polite, and he couldn't quite get a grin so he went for a small, sweet smile.

Akashi heaved a sigh and pushed past Kise, barging into his apartment. Akashi skipped all the niceties of ‘are you okay?’ and ‘things will be fine’ and skipped right to the point. “Do you not intend to tell anyone about why you’re distancing yourself from us and are intentionally hurting the man you still love?”

Typical Akashi—no pretense, no bullshit, and no mercy, just hard-hitting truths. Kise wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry again, so he shut the door extra slowly behind so he’d have time before he had to meet that piercing gaze and have an answer for him. If it was anyone else, Kise would have continued the happy act, playing dumb as long as he possibly could, but it had always been different with Akashi, who knew all about putting on airs and becoming whoever he needed to be to come out on top of any situation.

So Kise dropped the act, but also clamped down his emotions for good measure as he turned around to face Akashi. “I don’t love him anymore,” he said in as cool and even a tone as he could manage. “That’s why I broke up with him. There’s no ‘why’ besides that.”

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me,” Akashi said in a clipped tone, “I said _still loved_. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take me for a fool, Ryouta.” Akashi was slowly starting to lose his patience. His earlier argument (if he could really call it an argument at all) with Aomine and Kuroko over who would go after Kise did not help the shortening of his fuse.

Kise’s instincts told him to _back the fuck off_ when he heard the irritation in Akashi’s voice, but he also began to feel more desperately defensive in his attempt to hide the truth—he’d made it _so far_ , he only needed to last a few more weeks and then none of this would matter anymore. “Y-you’re wrong,” he insisted. “People change, and feelings change, and—and things just change, and life goes on, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it. Not—not even _you_ , Akashicchi. So why bother talking about it?” He tried to end with a nonchalant shrug, but it sort of just made his shoulders tense up more, so he crossed his arms tightly in front of himself.

Akashi frowned, disappointed with Kise’s insistence to lie. “Ryouta, how has modelling been? Better than basketball I presume?” He had honestly wanted Kise to admit this to him on his own but with Kise’s apparent refusal to make their confrontation go by faster, Akashi found no reason to wait.

Kise’s stomach sank with a cold dread. Of course Akashi knew. Akashi _always_ knew. “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he objected feebly, his gaze flitting around the room before returning to Akashi with whatever remaining indignation he could muster, “Wh-what are you trying to say? That I have to—have to choose between them or something? I—I could _never—_ ”

“You already have, haven’t you?” Akashi cut him off. It wasn’t as if Kise had been very discreet about skipping practice more frequently, so Akashi really didn’t understand why he was still trying to hide it from him.

“No, I—” Kise began, shaking his head, but his hands were trembling, and he _knew_ he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Akashi… and that it was pointless. “I—I didn't want to!” he admitted, and it was like opening the floodgates—literally and figuratively, as he began ranting and tears welled up in his eyes. “They—they've been telling me to quit basketball for—for a while, for a really long time. And until now I just tried to keep them happy by taking as many jobs with them as I could fit in my schedule, but it wasn’t—they—they never stopped reminding me that they wanted me to make a choice eventually, and then just a couple months ago they offered me this _amazing_ job, like, my dream job in almost every way, except…” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Except it's abroad. Really far away. But, well… I said yes anyway.” He dropped his gaze to the ground. “So… yeah. That's why,” he said, but the shaking in his voice was still worsening, so he stopped after that.

Placing an awkward hand on top of Kise’s head to gently pat him, Akashi sighed. He had anticipated Kise’s loss of control over his emotions but that didn’t mean that made them any easier to deal with. “You should’ve told us. We’d understand.” They were in university after all. It was common to question what one wanted to do in life and it was common to make certain sacrifices to achieve what they wanted. Kise’s case wasn’t any different. “You should at least tell Taiga. You’re being quite cruel to him.”

Kise wanted to protest, but with a sinking feeling, he realized that Akashi was right. He pressed his lips together as a few tears began to spill from his eyes, and nodded wordlessly, which put Akashi a bit more at ease even as he did his best to comfort Kise.

Fifteen minutes later, Kise had stopped crying, washed the tears off his face again, and was summarily kicked out of his own apartment by Akashi to go talk to Kagami. So, after minimal protest and a bit of a walk, Kise found himself outside of Kagami’s door, staring nervously for a moment before working up the courage to knock.

Kagami hadn’t expected to see Kise until a decent amount of time had passed for Kise to be comfortable with pretending he didn’t exist, so to find him at his door only a few hours after they had fought was more than a little shocking. “Um…. Hi?”

_This was a mistake_ was the first thing that ran through Kise’s mind the moment Kagami opened the door, as his eyes immediately began burning with tears again upon seeing him. He bit his lip in an attempt to hold them in, but they began to overflow anyway, and he turned right back around, starting to run away again. _I can’t do this._

“What the fu—Kise!” Kagami wasn’t sure what he was expecting Kise to say or do to him but it sure wasn’t for Kise to start crying and _fucking leave_. He ran after him, catching up to him with ease and grabbed his arm to stop him. “Kise, what the hell?”

“Let—let go of me,” he said in a pitifully tiny voice, struggling feebly, more as a kneejerk reaction to being grabbed than an actual attempt at breaking free. He sniffled a bit and refused to turn to face Kagami.

Kagami frowned and moved to stand in front of Kise while keeping a firm grasp on his arm. “Why did you come here if you’re just gonna leave?”

“I didn’t want to cry,” he replied shakily, still looking away and wiping away his tears as best he could. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself before continuing. “I—I didn’t want this to be sad. That’s—that’s why I never said anything in the first place.”

Kagami’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Didn’t want what to be sad?” Was this about the reason why Kise broke up with him? Because if it was then he didn’t really think Kise had the right to say he didn’t want things to be sad considering they’d already fucking broken up.

Kise was silent for a while, opening and closing his mouth and trying to decide where to begin, what to say, how to explain. In the end, he decided the only way he’d ever get anywhere was if he got straight to the point first. Finally turning back to face Kagami, he took a breath and forced out the words, “I’m leaving.”

Kagami blinked a few times, staring blankly at him. “I know, that’s why I’m keeping you here until you tell me why you came...” He didn’t understand why Kise kept insisting on leaving when Kagami was clearly not going to let him until he explained himself. Just repeating it to him was pointless and Kise should’ve known that.

Caught off guard a little by Kagami’s misunderstanding, Kise couldn't help but let out a little laugh—but covered his mouth immediately when it started to sound like a sob instead. He had to take several deeps breaths to compose himself before he was able to explain. “No, I mean… I'm—I'm leaving for a job. For a really long job, really far away.”

Kagami’s heart seemed to stop for a second, his eyes widening. He couldn’t have heard that right, and if he had, he didn’t _want_ to have heard that right. “You’re what?” he breathed out.

Kise averted his gaze, biting his lip to stave off the tears. This was most of the reason he’d lied in the first place, after all; this was what he knew would break his heart more than anything, even as he prepared to leave everything behind. “For modeling. Leaving for a modeling job,” he said quietly, and he felt his voice on the verge of giving out so he spoke quickly. “It’s based in America but I’ll be going to all sorts of countries all over the place for work and it’s gonna be really great except they said I’ll get barely any opportunity to come to Japan for—for years, probably.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind Kagami knew he was squeezing the life out of Kise’s arm but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. “I-is that why you broke up with me?” Kagami wanted to feel some form of relief at the fact that it wasn’t his fault that they broke up but that didn’t matter because Kise was _leaving_ and he was going to be gone for longer than Kagami ever wanted to be separated from him.

Kise nodded, still not looking up. “...I thought it would be easier.”

Kagami let go of Kise’s arm and raised both hands to Kise’s face. Giving Kise no warning he pinched down hard on both his cheeks. “Are you stupid?! Why would that be easier?! You’re stupid!”

Kise yelped in surprise, reaching up to pull Kagami’s hands away from his face. “Owww Kagamicchi!!! That hurt!!!” he complained, pouting at him and releasing his wrists to rub at his now-sore cheeks.

“That was the point, stupid.” Kagami took Kise’s hand in his, pulling it away from his face before hesitantly leaning closer to Kise. He pressed a quick kiss on his cheek and pulled away just as quick before Kise could throw any complaints at him. They _were_ technically still broken up, at least Kagami thought they were. He couldn’t be sure if Kise was okay with him showing any displays of affection yet.

That caught Kise off guard, and he stared for a moment, frozen. The kiss had been so sweet but so short, and he felt his heart actually ache with longing, for the warmth and comfort and closeness, for _Kagami_ , and it had been far too long since he’d had any of that and he’d been crying on and off for half the night and he was too tired to not give in. He stepped forward to close the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Kagami’s neck, burying his face in his shoulder and shakily whispering, “Taigacchi…”

Kagami sighed, wanting to just deflate and melt into Kise arms. He wrapped an arm around Kise’s waist and brought the other up to Kise’s head, still covered up by the stupid purple hat. He’d missed Kise more than he was probably ever willing to admit. “Next time just tell me about shit like this,” he mumbled next to Kise’s ear.

_What next time?_ Kise thought, and that brought on a new wave of tears that he fought off as best he could by holding on even tighter to Kagami and trying not to think too much about anything except holding him.

* * *

A few minutes later found them cuddled up on Kagami’s couch, Kagami still holding Kise tightly to him as Kise wiped away the last of his tears on Kagami’s shirt. During their transition into his apartment, Kagami had taken the liberty of throwing Kise’s hat into a random corner of his house, a decision he was glad he made now, with his fingers nicely tangled in Kise’s soft blond hair.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Kagami asked quietly once he was sure Kise had calmed down enough.

Kise sighed. “Lotsa reasons, I guess?” he began. His voice was calmer and steadier than before, the looming dread of the future kept at bay in the safety of Kagami’s arms, if only for the moment. “Goodbyes are hard. Especially when… especially when, well…” He let out a snort of humorless laughter. “It’s not exactly like I’m being kidnapped or something, you know? I’m choosing this. Selfish of me, right?”

“Yeah, it's pretty damn selfish of you, but so what? It's your life, you can do what you want.” Kagami ran a hand up Kise's arm only to flick the back of his head, “And stop fucking talking like you're gonna be gone forever. You're gonna come back to Japan at some point.” His voice lowered to a grumble as he rested his chin on the back of Kise's head, “Besides, it's not like we can't call each other and shit.”

Kise felt a warm rush of affection, lacing his fingers with Kagami’s and stroking his hand with his thumb. “I…” he began with a little smile, but cut himself off and bit his lip instead, forcing the optimism back down. Sure, he would love to be able to stay with Kagami even as he travelled, and have him to come home to in a few years, but… “I—I can't—I don't wanna do that to you,” he objected quietly. “I don't wanna hold you down.” That would be even _more_ selfish, and he already had enough guilt gnawing away at his insides.

“Will you fucking stop that!” Kagami didn't want to shout, it would break the atmosphere, but Kise was being ridiculously dumb to the point that Kagami almost regretted thinking Kise's dumb nature was cute at times. “You make it sound like you're the only one that feels anything in this relationship. I _want_ us to stay together.”

Kise choked back the “me too” and instead forced out a self-deprecating chuckle. “What? You trying to tell me that you wouldn’t get over little ol’ me?” he said with a light tone and a sad smile. “Give me a break. I’m nothing special. All I’ve got is my looks, and the fact that I’m pretty good at basketball. But you…” He took his hand away from Kagami’s and sat back from him slightly, putting distance between them. “...You’ve got a lot more than just me to look forward to in life.”

The loss of Kise from his arms along with look he was giving him topped off with what he was saying felt as though Kise had just physically punched him in the stomach. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would I stay with you if all you had was your face? I don’t care about that. And shouldn’t it be you who finds something or someone better than me? You’re the one who’s gonna travel the fucking world and meet shit tons of people.” Kagami was going to lose his mind if Kise kept insisting that Kagami’s feelings weren’t genuine or wouldn’t last or some other stupid shit like that. Why couldn’t Kise understand how fucking important he was to Kagami?

“I—no, you—I mean—no, it’s not—” Kise spluttered, the guilt continuing to pile an increasingly heavy weight onto his heart. Kagami was just turning his own question right back on him, but something about hearing it come from him was just so much _worse_ . He bit his lip and averted his gaze, drawing his knees towards himself and hugging them to his chest. “S-sure, I’ll be doing all sorts of awesome stuff a-and I’ll meet a lot of new people but…” His voice dropped to a murmur. “...none of them will be _you_.”

Kagami’s eyes softened and everything he’d had in mind was seemingly forgotten. He wrapped an arm around Kise’s shoulders and drew him towards him, letting Kise rest his head on Kagami’s shoulder. “Yeah—I—you—I mean, um, same.” That was the best he could attempt at articulating what he'd wanted to get across to Kise. His cheeks flared red and had Kise not been in his arms at the moment he would've been completely fine if a hole had opened up on his couch and swallowed him whole.

Kise looked up at him, not sure if he was joking or serious, and the moment he caught sight of his blushing face, Kise burst out into a fit of giggles. “T-Taigacchi, you— _ahaha_ —I can't—” He cut off as the laughter became uncontrollable, and he fell over across Kagami’s lap, tears of mirth forming in his eyes.

Kagami felt his face grow even hotter. “You don’t have to laugh _that_ much,” was Kagami’s gruff reply with a frown that was probably close to resembling a pout.

“S-sorry, sorry,” Kise said, still laughing. It was several more seconds before he regained control and he managed to subdue the giggle fit, an amused grin remaining for several more seconds after _that_ as he looked up at Kagami. Soon, though, it faded to a wistful smile. “So, you—um…” he began in a hesitant murmur, and averted his gaze, absently playing with the hem of Kagami’s shirt. “You… really wanna try the whole long-distance thing? With me?”

“I thought that was obvious,” Kagami grumbled, lightly hitting Kise over the head. “I wouldn’t give a shit if you were moving to… I don’t know, fucking Mars or some shit. You’re stuck with me.”

Kise let out a soft snort of amusement, then looked back up at Kagami with a fond smile. “I guess I can deal with that.”

“Good,” Kagami hit him over the head once more before bending down to kiss him. It hurt his lower back a bit, bending down at such an awkward angle, but Kagami didn’t really care. It had been too damn long and he’d missed Kise too damn much to care about a sore back.

Kise couldn't help still smiling a little against Kagami’s lips, reaching up to run a hand through his hair and marveling at just how nice it was to kiss him after several lonely months of being broken up. He pulled away after a bit to sit up to straddle Kagami’s lap, wrap his arms around him, and hold him as close as he possibly could. “I'm sorry for being an idiot,” he murmured near Kagami’s ear, placing a soft kiss on his neck. “I've missed you a lot.”

“Yeah, you really were an idiot.” Kagami drew Kise closer by his waist, a hand finding its way up to comb through soft blond hair. “But I still l-love you anyway.” Kagami felt his face heat up and was grateful that even if Kise could feel the warmth radiating from his face, he at least couldn't see it. He couldn't believe he still stuttered at the word even after how long it had been.

Kise’s eyes widened, and he found himself really wishing he hadn't messed things up so bad. He’d imagined the first time they said “I love you” to each other would have been something just purely happy—Kise would have grinned brightly and teased Kagami for being such a blushy mess when it came to emotions, and then said it back to him and kissed him a lot. But now… Right now, it was more bittersweet. He still felt a warm rush of affection and happiness to hear those words from Kagami, but on the other hand, it also smacked him in the face with the fact that he was leaving. Kagami loved him and he was _leaving_. Tears burned in his eyes and began to fall even as he smiled into Kagami’s shoulder and tried to keep his voice even as he replied, “I love you, too.”

Upon feeling his shoulder get wet from Kise's tears, Kagami's first instinctive reaction was to have a minor freak out. Why was Kise crying?! He didn't think he'd said anything wrong. But then Kise said he loved him too and Kagami's worries seemed to wash away, at least for the most part. He felt a small smile pull to his lips and he gently nudged Kise off his shoulder to look at him. “I guess this wasn't really how you wanted that to go.” Which Kagami could understand—the situation wasn't exactly ideal in any way, with the two of them just having gotten back together after several months of being broken up and Kise having plans to move away, but Kagami didn't really mind it. At least he'd finally said it, it was finally off his chest and Kise loved him too, so to Kagami, it was already as perfect as it needed to be.

Kise couldn’t hold Kagami’s gaze. “Yeah, well… I didn’t really expect to have fucked everything up this much, so…” He chuckled humorlessly. “I don’t think I have the right to be picky.”

“Yeah, you sure as hell were stupid,” was Kagami’s unthinking, blunt response. “You’re still being pretty stupid now.” Kagami tightened his hold around Kise’s waist, pulling him closer. “You didn’t fuck _everything_ up. You’re sitting on my lap, for fuck’s sake, that’s not really everything being fucked up. Besides, you said you were mostly gonna be in America, right?”

Kise looked up at that, brow slightly knit in confusion. “Well, yeah…?” he said, drifting off and waiting expectantly for clarification.

“I go back to America like once or twice a year to see my dad. Making another stop before L.A. isn’t that hard. Stop acting like it’s gonna be years before we each other again when you leave.” It would cost a little extra but he didn’t really mind, and he was pretty sure his dad wouldn’t care too much either, he was pretty lenient with how Kagami tended to spend money.

The idea of seeing Kagami once or twice a year was a huge comfort compared to waiting years or breaking up, like he'd originally thought. He couldn't stop the bright grin of relief that spread across his face, even as a few more stray tears slipped down his cheeks. “So… we’re gonna be okay…?” he said quietly, not so much questioning as he was still just a tad uncertain and thinking maybe this was too good to be true.

Kagami cupped Kise’s cheek to pull him in for a quick kiss, “We were always gonna be okay. Next time just fucking talk to me.”

* * *

Kagami was thankful to finally be off the plane after the long flight, finally getting a chance to stretch his legs. Even if he was used to the long flights, especially considering how many times a year he got on a plane to visit both his dad and Kise, they were still too excruciatingly long. It had been a good three years since Kise had moved to America for his modelling job, which over the years he’d opened up to Kagami, telling him that he hadn’t actually been too sure about whether he’d wanted to continue modeling or not and that he’d only decided to do it because it seemed like the safest option. Kagami had effectively whacked him over the head and had to remind him for what seemed like the hundredth time that he was amazing and was way more capable than he gave himself credit for. Kise still continued to model after that but Kagami didn’t complain, not wanting to pressure him or tell him how to live his life.

It took Kagami a little bit longer to get all of his luggage than it usually did this time around, having brought much more than he usually did. When he finally managed to meet up with Kise who had been waiting for him, Kise looked very upset, clearly annoyed that Kagami had taken so long. “You don’t have to look that mad,” he called out as he approached him.

Kise’s frown turned into a petulant pout as he stood there with his arms crossed and tried very hard to remain irritated, even as his heart rate jumped at the sight of Kagami. “You texted me saying you were off the plane _forty minutes ago._ ”

Kagami pointed towards all the luggage he had on the trolley, “I had a lot of bags to get.” He pulled Kise to him and pressed a kiss to his forehead, “Stop being so mad, will ya?”

Kise spared only a glance for the stack of bags that Kagami had in tow, figuring he’d probably just done something stupid like bring an entire extra suitcase full of basketballs. Then, he bowed his head to rest it on Kagami’s shoulder, so that when he inhaled Kagami’s comforting, familiar scent, he could hide the smile on his face. He let out his breath with a sigh and replied in his most petulant tone, “Too late, I’m already mad. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Nothing right now. I’ll make it up to you at the apartment,” Kagami promised, pressing a kiss to the top of Kise’s head while actively trying to ignore the many people that could have just seen that small show of affection.

This time, Kise lifted his head so that Kagami could see the sly grin that stretched across his face. “Oh? I like the sound of that~” he said, then moved to grab the trolley and began pushing it towards the exit. “Let’s get going, then!”

Kagami chased after Kise, muttering under his breath, “I didn’t mean _that_ ,” with his cheeks dusted pink. “I mean we _can_ but like that wasn't all I had in mind. I mean—like—y’know?” He was digging his own grave.

Kise just laughed, and took one hand off the trolley to reach towards Kagami, wiggling his fingers with an imploring smile.

Ignoring the heat from his cheeks, Kagami smiled, taking Kise’s hand in his, lacing their fingers, and helped him push the trolley with his other hand.

* * *

Kise began to reconsider his initial dismissal of the amount of luggage Kagami had brought when it took three trips up to his sixth-floor apartment to bring it all in from the car. He sighed in relief as he dragged the last bag in, shutting the door behind them and sitting down lazily on top of the suitcase.

“Taigacchi~” he whined dramatically. “Why'd you have to bring so much _stuff?_ ”

Kagami awkwardly coughed, as he pulled one of the larger suitcases towards Kise’s room, “Uh, well… ‘cause I’m home?” Kagami fled to Kise’s room as his face flushed red. He’d been thinking about moving in with Kise for at least half a year, and after graduating university, the prospect just became more and more tempting. It might have helped if he had talked to Kise at all about it though, which he very much hadn’t done.

Kise blinked and laughed a little, confused. “That’s really sweet, Taigacchi, but… you only stay here for, like, a week per year,” he called after Kagami, standing back up and beginning to follow him with the suitcase in tow. “I don’t think that counts as ‘home’.”

Kagami couldn't believe Kise had missed his point. Actually he could which probably made it worse considering how hard it was for him to spit those dumb cheesy words. “Y-yeah, but I was thinking, y’know since I'm done school, I could—like—stay a year per year… or something… like… that…” Kagami's voice drifted off into a quiet mumble, he'd have to remember to not try and be all cheesy and romantic the next time he tried to surprise Kise.

Kagami’s words didn't quite process at first, and Kise was about to tease him for being such a giant dork—and then he froze with his mouth half-open as he suddenly realized. “...A year per year… i-is forever…?” He didn't mean it to come out as a question, nor did he mean for his voice to tremble, but he was more than a little caught off-guard by the idea that, suddenly, he might have Kagami back for good.

“Y-yeah, something like that.” Kagami sat down on Kise’s bed, partly so he wouldn’t fiddle with the suitcase, but mostly to force himself to properly look at Kise despite his embarrassment, “I mean if you don’t want me to just randomly start living with you then I could find my own place or something. The rest of my stuff is already being shipped over.”

At some point while Kagami was speaking, Kise’s grip went slack and the suitcase fell to the floor with a _thump,_ but he barely noticed. He was a bit preoccupied with the sudden rush of emotions he felt, which was so overwhelming that he wasn’t really sure what to do. So, he did the first thing that came to mind, which was to rush over to Kagami, grinning from ear to ear, and tackle him to the bed. “Taigacchi!!!” he exclaimed happily, clinging to him.

“Hey!” Kagami laughed, wrapping his arms around Kise’s waist, “So... that’s a yes to me moving in with you?” Kagami really didn’t need more confirmation, being tackled to the bed was enough of a yes, but it would be nice to hear a definitive answer.

“Of course it’s a yes, stupid,” Kise mumbled between several playful kisses to the side of Kagami’s neck and cheek, his heart beating several times faster than usual with excitement. “In fact,” he continued, propping himself up just enough to grin down at him, “you’re not allowed to leave ever again.”

“I think I’m gonna need to leave the house at some point,” Kagami laughed, lightly flicking Kise’s forehead before leaning up to press a kiss to it,  “I don’t think I can sit still enough to be a stay-at-home boyfriend.”

Kise’s first reaction was a pout, but that quickly turned into a smirky smile as he leaned down until there was almost no distance between them. “Who says you’ll be sitting still? I’ll keep you occupied,” he purred, lips brushing against Kagami’s as he spoke.

Kagami hummed in contentment and flipped them over to press Kise into the bed, “I guess that’s okay,” he pressed a chaste kiss to Kise’s lips before removing himself from over top of him, “Hold your horny for a bit though, I’m hungry.” With that, he headed out towards the kitchen.

The smirk reverted to a pout again as Kagami left. “Taigacchi…” Kise whined as he reluctantly pushed himself off the bed and followed. He trudged into the kitchen with his arms crossed. “There should be a rule against being a damn tease when you’re asexual. This should be _illegal,_ ” he protested grumpily.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kagami tried to push down the smile forming on his lips and distracted himself with rummaging through Kise’s fridge.

“I think you _do_ ,” Kise grumbled. He crossed the room and lifted himself up to sit on the counter near Kagami, settling in to wait for him to be done. A part of him was very tempted to leer and made lewd remarks and generally tease Kagami until he got all flustered, which was always fun, but… he was also still a bit overwhelmed by how suddenly all of this had just happened.

As infrequent as Kagami’s visits had been over the past three years, they kept in touch so thoroughly in between them that each time they actually met in person, it felt natural, like they were just picking up right where they had left off. So they had developed routines, and everything that was happening right now would usually fit perfectly into Kise’s usual expectation of a visit from Kagami, except this time, there was no inevitable goodbye looming in the near future. Instead, Kise found himself slipping into a contemplative silence as he began to truly process the fact that he was going to have this every day now, that he would have Kagami right by his side all the time, just like… _just like how it used to be before I messed everything up._ He bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to hold in the sudden rush of emotion, still staring at Kagami.

The long silence that followed Kise's accusing grumble prompted Kagami to turn back to him and a slight furrow of his brow, “Hey, you okay?” he asked as he moved to stand directly in front of him.

Kise smiled at him, and it wasn't exactly _fake_ , because happiness _was_ one of the many things he was feeling at the moment, but it was a bit shakier than he intended, and he wasn't quite sure whether it was because he wanted to laugh or cry. Maybe both. “I… I'm fine,” he said quietly, and he might have just stopped there, but the pervading concern on Kagami’s face told him he wouldn't be getting out of this without spilling his feelings. “I just, um… This is…” he began haltingly, then paused and bit his lip as the right wording came to him and brought another rush of emotion. “I'm just… really glad you never gave up on me—o-on _us_. Even when I did.” His gaze fell to the floor with a twinge of guilt, but he quickly looked back up and smiled again at Kagami—a bright, warm grin, even though tears began to gather in the corners of his eyes. “It's all thanks to you that we've come this far, so… thank you for that.”

Kagami felt a lump form in his throat and his stomach twisted in knots. He drew Kise into a tight embrace and cupped his face to peck his lips once before pulling him in for a deep kiss, trying to get Kise to understand what he was feeling through the action.

Kise relaxed into the touch and hummed contentedly against his lips. Though Kagami was a bit rough and generally heavy-handed when it came to most things in life, at times like this, his every movement was deliberate and loving, and it always made Kise marvel at how glad he was to have fallen in love with someone who made him feel so loved in return.

When their lips parted, Kagami leaned up to press a kiss to Kise's forehead, “Do we need to have the ‘stupid’ talk again?” he chuckled as he wiped away a tear on Kise's cheek.

A little laugh escaped Kise as well as he sighed blissfully, his thoughts drifting away as he lost himself in the familiar comfort of Kagami’s arms and in the steady anchor of his gaze. “Nah, talking’s stupid,” he murmured vaguely as he wrapped his legs around Kagami’s waist and pulled himself even closer and kissed him again.

Kagami let out a thoughtful hum, happy to continue but his stomach seemed to disagree, grumbling loudly just as Kise tried to deepen the kiss. Kagami pulled away with a slight frown aimed at his stomach. “Can we eat first _then_ sex?”

Kise made a loud, unabashed whining sound and immediately clasped his hands behind Kagami’s neck to prevent him from pulling any further back. “No,” he insisted, fixing his most potent pout and fluttering-lashes gaze on Kagami. “I wanna do it _now._ ”

It was hard to say no to Kise, it really was but… “I already took food out of your fridge though.”

“So~?” Kise said, drawing the word out as he leaned closer to Kagami.

Kagami sighed, knowing Kise wasn’t going to let go of him until he gave in and let Kise do what he wanted. “Fine. But you’re dealing with my stomach grumbling the entire time we’re at it.”

Kise grinned triumphantly. “We can take a snack break after round one,” he compromised before wrapping his arms and legs entirely around Kagami and clinging to him happily.

“We better be getting a meal break at least after round three.” Kagami hoisted Kise up by his ass, squeezing slightly, and carried them off towards Kise’s—no, _their_ bedroom.


End file.
